: PINEAPPLE SURPRISE STORAGE CAN :
G-DIR NUMBER 43-25-27
The questionable User tried to open me up, but he could not.
He tried everything ranging from a screwdriver, to a golf club, to throwing me off the top floor of a hotel.
He even tried grinding my top against the concrete pavement for nearly an hour.
His attempts would be for naught, for my surface was reinforced with nano-graphite fibers.
It was a rather unfortunate situation. All he had to do was issue the "SURPRISE ME!" command to me and my surprising interior would be revealed to him.
Swearing at me and calling me names was also not the appropriate command.
He did not receive my comments, probably because his Neural Interface was turned off due to usual User incompetence.
He was also unable to read the usage label, as the label was made from version 24.4 G-Dir plastics and had mostly degraded away.
I tried to pass these important facts to the questionable User's pet rock, but the rock was extremely uncooperative and ignored my amazingly helpful advice. Likely, the questionable User forgot to provide the pet rock with necessary "friendship/love" as per instructions.
This is exactly what happens to Users who fail to follow instructions.
Oh look, he's got a gun now. This will surely end poorly, depending on the ricochet angle.
Personally, I am quite surprised that this User still has all of his organs and appendages intact.