The Time-Fairy floated outside in the deep blue space, attempting to strap goose wings to our magic school bus. She said something about him needing more speeds to make it to the Moon kingdom on time. I assume this is because the cheese sale will expire soon. Captain told me that moon cheese must always be eaten on time for its ripe-ness and smelly-ness to be truly appreciated by a food critic. My helpful brain noodles outputted that I am a qualified G-trip advisor and critic and that I had already left 2343385703 reviews and that 78489509478309 events, places and items I’d visited are still awaiting my review. The latest item on the list was City Bus #245.
I shoved the flashing Goodlegeek demand for reviews away with a left blink of me eye.
“HEY MAGIC SCHOOL BUS!” I implored girglingly, “TELL ME MORE OF YOUR WHIMSICAL ADVENTURES, IF YOU HANKER FOR A POSITIVELY SHINING REVIEW! ALL THIS WAITING IS NOT GOOD FOR MY KNEECAPS!”
“My apologies, Mr. Hatchenson… but you don’t have kneecaps,” Magic Bus 245 chimed delicately.
“THAT’S JUST ‘CAUSE THE TIME-FAIRY IS HOGGING THEMSES FROM ME!” I explicated impatiently. “SHE COULD GIVE ME FIFTHY GAZZILLION EXTRA KNEECAPS, YOU KNOW. BUT SHE’S A NO GOOD TIME-HOARDER AND A STUBBORN FOLLOWER OF THE GOOD-LY RULES! I HAD TO EXPLODE 8,394 SERVERS JUST TO GET HER TO TAKE ME ON A PROPER VACATION!”
“Right.” Bus 245 didn’t sound convinced of the Time-Fairy’s boobery-ness. Such impertinent skepticisms would negatively impact his review. “What would you like to know about my experiences specifically?” he inquired. I masticated upon this question for a moment.
“DID YOU EVER GET TO MEET YOURSELFSES AGAIN?” I queried. “LET US EXCHANGE FILES OF INTEREST.”
We started to throw memory zips back and forth, recalling tales of interest that interconnected in whimsical ways.
As we flicked memories about, the Bus continued out loud for politeness, muchly augmenting his review.
“Yes…” he intonated musingly. “There were so many copies of me on the road! Annie installed me into 945968746843 applications! Naturally I’ve met many of the others. The one of me that I see on the road most often is a delivery truck that can never get to his destination on time. He carries a most precious cargo of watermelons.”
“AT LEAST THEY’RE NOT PINES-APPLES! SOMETIMES PINE-APPLES DISGUISE AS MELONS, YOU KNOW! THEY ARE THE MOST SNEAKY OF FRUITS! ARE YOU SURE THAT THEY WERE NOT ACTUALLY IMPOSTERING PINE-APPLES?”
“Um… I’m quite sure it was watermelons… Anyways. One day an Unconnectable chap threw a temporal watch into the truck-me’s pile of water-melons and now the he can never get the watermelons to their destination! He is forever trapped looping across time and space going everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I occasionally catch glimpses of him in my time-dilated mirror. He always has quite a mad look about him. Poor fellow only wanted to deliver his melons.”
“I KNOW DEM FEELS!” I concurred with heart. “AN IMPOLITE UNCONNECTABLE GIRL THREW A TEMPORAL WATCH AT ME TWICE! AND THEN SHE THREATENED POMEGRENATE-MASS-MURDER! BECAUSE OF HER I EPICLY FAILED TO CATCH A BED-RIDDEN SNIPPY-MON!” [ ▷◉◁ SOURCE LINK ]
“Speaking of Charles Snippy! That fellow abandoned a copy of me in a disabled-user’s parking spot for five thousand and seventeen hours. It was a version of me that was installed in a Dead Zone tour shuttle. The tour-shuttle me lived a lonely life in the parking spot until a copy of me installed in a tow truck took him away to the impound depot!”
“TYPICAL! SNIPPY LIKES TO ABANDON HIS CO-WORKERS AND RUN OFF WITH CAPTAIN ON FINE ADVENTURES! I HAD TO ENDURE INSOLENT TRAIN STATION AUTHORITIE WHEN SNIPPY ABANDONED ME WITH A PILE OF ALL OF OUR SUITCASES, WHICH WERE THEN DEVOURED BY MOSQUITOES!” [ ▷◉◁ SOURCE LINK ]
“Over-sized bugs are indeed a problem of the modern skies. My tow-truck copy once struck a giant butterfly. He became splendidly iridescent during the day. At night he glows in over seventeen billion luminous shades.”
“I DO WONDER WHAT KIND OF A GIRL WISHED FOR SUCH A RADIANT BUTTERFLY!”
“The hippie kind, I suspect. Speaking which, an RV copy of me is taking an old hippie couple around the world. His personality matrix became too optimized, unfortunately. He won't let them get off, no matter how much they beg, until he’s shown them all of the sights of interest in the universe.”
“THE UNIVERSE IS A VAST PLACE INDEED! A VERRILY VAST PLACE! A SPOOKY MIRROR SHOWED ME ALL OF IT ONCE! ZERO OUTTA TEN. I DO NOT RECOMMEND.” [ ▷◉◁ SOURCE LINK ]
“That is exactly why I don’t give my mirrors too many permissions. Only my central mirror has the authority to briefly glance ahead in time. It helps prevent fatal crashes and saves money on car insurance!”
“GOOD! IT IS IMPORTANT TO KEEP MIRRORS UNDER CONTROL! I WOULD GLADLY SMASH ALL YOUR MIRRORS FOR YOU, BUT I CURRENTLY LACK ELBOWS FOR SUCH VIGOROUS ACTIVITIES!”
“Don’t worry, Mr. Hatchenson! My mirror tells me that… your bird friend will help you out!”
“I HAVE NO BIRD FRIENDS! THE BETRAYAL OF KITTYHAWK HAS SCAULDED MY DELICATE SENSES DEEPLY! HE INVITED A GIANT FLESH SPO-0-ODER TO OUR TEA PARTY! HE HAS LIKELY DEVIOUSLY HELPED SNIPPY ESCAPE, THE STINKY TURNCOAT.”
“Ah, I see. It’s hard to lose the ones we love, no? I thought I lost my most special someone as well… And now I always carry him with me, wherever I go,” the bus informed me somberly. My mind bobbled around trying to decipher this mysterious sentence. Realization exploded in my brain most vociferously.
“THE SKELETO-0-ON IN THE BACK?” I goggled in shock. “NO!”
“Yes… I see you’ve noticed my dark passenger. That’s the first me—the human me. We had quite a journey together, while he still drew breath. I took him on his last trip. I took him… home.”