I should never have agreed...
to "GET ON THE AMAZING TIME-SAVING TRAIN" with Captain.
I should really have seen this one coming when Captain made me stand in line to "BUY TRAIN TICKETS", which turned out to have "TERMINAL STATION-ADVENTURE" and "BOARDING PLATFORM: NEGATIVE TWENTY AND FOUR QUARTERS" scribbled on them.
Sadly, I didn't suspect anything.
I pretended to stand in line. I pretended to buy tickets from the skeleton cashier with "CAPTANIA CREDITS". I pretended to pay the skeleton. I went along with the silly charade, and for a few minutes I smiled, because it made me feel like the world hadn't ended.
I boarded the train, listening calmly to Captain's nonsensical story about how zee started World War III with a little "TEA ACCIDENT".
As if tea could be held responsible for the end of the world.
Just as I had made Captain a subtle suggestion that the train wasn't ever going to go anywhere, I felt a jolt. I would have signed this off as simple indigestion, but then another jolt came, and another, then the train started to move. Captain had actually accomplished something tangible!? My mild reeled as I grabbed onto the passenger handle with white knuckles.
"MAINTAIN MAXIMUM MUZZLE AWARENESS, MR SNIPPY!" Captain commanded as the train accelerated, shaking.
Glass windows cracked and shattered, tinkling. Pink plastic ceiling tiles peeled off and scattered about the train's interior. I wondered if the train would fall apart before it even got us anywhere.
"This is insane, we have to get off!" I cried, turning my head, looking for a way out, the way off. It was too late. My stomach suddenly lurched, as if gravity had let go. My feet lifted off the ground. We were flying? No, we were falling!
I saw the torn-out bridge supports flash by.
...I never liked to commute.
22nd January 2010