Issue 7

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ENTRY 174__34 - HUMAN SUBJECT CHARLES SNIPPY - PERSONAL ID 04477645.

I should have never agreed to "GET ON THE AMAZING TIME-SAVING TRAIN" with captain.
I really should have seen this one coming when Captain made me stand in line to "BUY TRAIN TICKETS" with "TERMINAL STATION-ADVENTURE" scribbly writing on them.

Sadly, I didn't expect anything.
I pretended to stand in line. I pretended to buy tickets from the skeleton cashier. I pretended to pay the skeleton.
I went along with the silly charade, and for a few minutes I smiled, because it made me feel like the world hasn't ended.

I boarded the train, listening calmly to Captain's nonsensical story about how he started world war III with a little "tea accident". Yeah, right.
As if tea could be held responsible for the end of the world.

Just as I had made Captain a subtle suggestion that the train won't ever go anywhere, I felt a jolt. I would have signed this off as simple indigestion, but then another jolt came and another, and the train actually started to move.
Captain actually accomplished something tangible?!
My mild reeled, as I grabbed onto the passenger handle.

"MAINTAIN MAXIMUM MUZZLE AWARENESS, MR SNIPPY!" Captain commanded as the train accelerated, shaking.

Glass windows cracked and shattered, tinkling.
Pink plastic ceiling tiles peeled off and fell all over the train's interior.
I wondered if the train would fall apart before it even got us anywhere.

"THIS IS INSANE! WE HAVE TO GET OFF!" I cried, turning my head, looking for a way out, the way off.
It was too late.
My stomach suddenly lurched, as if gravity had let go. My feet lifted off the ground. We were flying?! No, we were falling!
I saw the torn-out bridge supports and my life started to flash before my eyes.

...I never liked to commute.








22nd January 2010