ENTRY 166__10 - HUMAN SUBJECT CHARLES SNIPPY - PERSONAL ID 04477645.
Completing the "SNACKS AND BEVERAGES" mission, I joined Captain in theatre number seventeen and a half.
"Isn't Pilot coming too?" I inquired.
"NO. PILOT IS ON A MISSION OF GRAVY IMPORTANCE! HE AND I ARE GOING TO THE 27:11 LATE NIGHT SHOW, AND THAT HOUR IS WAY PAST YOUR BED-TIME. BUT IT IS NO MATTER, FOR I MAKE TIME FOR ALL MY JUICY MINIONS," Captain declared.
I nodded, agreeing that, yes, it would probably be past my bed-time (unlike Captain, I actually slept 9 solid hours at night) a bit happy that I wouldn't have to deal with Pilot's childishness that day.
"BEHOLD," boomed Captain dramatically, waving at the dark screen, "THE MOST GLORIOUS PERFORMANCE OF TWENTY SECOND CENTURY!" I settled in my seat, almost excited, hoping that Captain had been able to activate some sort of still-functioning projector, but no, the screen remained pitch black. I complained about the lack of picture, wondering if there had been some kind of mistake, but was shot down with, "WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE CHEERS AND APPLE-SAUCES!
...BROKEN PROJECTOR? OH POOR, UNSIGHTLY SNIPPY! HOW COULD YOU FORGET YOUR 6D GLASSES AT HOME! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT ALL MOVIES NOWADAYS PLAY IN 6 DIMENSIONS? SUCH A PITY!
NO MATTER! I'LL NARRATE FOR YOU WHAT IS HAPPENING ON SCREEN!"
And so Captain went into narration mode, describing all the pre-movie advertisements, and after ten minutes, the "WILDLY EXCITING, MIND-BOGGLING, AND GRIPPING TALE OF CAPTANIC, A MOST TRUE TALE OF ROMANCE IN THE WORLD OF YESTERDAY."