You'd think that Captain would have given up after realizing the computer was simply broken and that there was no way in hell there'd be a working "internet signal". Of course not! The idiot just had to grab the broken cellular out of my hand and seriously attempt to call "THE MOST HIDEOUSLY OUTSOURCED TECH SUPPORT DEPARTMENT".
I stared at Captain's madness in bemusement. The one sided conversation went as follows:
"HELLO? TECH SUPPORT?"
"DAMN IT! AN AUTOMATED ANSWERING WIZARD!"
"TWELFTH AND A HALF STREET. APARTMENT SEVENTY BEE"
(I think Captain invented our current residence address here)
"AUTHORIZED BY ME, CAPTAIN!"
"THE KING OF FRANCE!"
"ONE THOUSAND AD"
"TREE HUNDRED AND FOURTEY FOUR!"
"GOVERNESS OF ANTARCTICA!"
"JUST PUT ME THROUGH TO YOUR REPRESENTATIVE ALREADY!"
"OH YOU HIDEOUS, BLASTED AUTOMATON!"
"NO, I DIDN'T WANT TO HOLD! NOOO!"
(here Captain shook enclosed fists at the sky and handed the phone back to me smugly)
"HOLD THIS FOR ME, MY DEAR. LET ME KNOW WHEN SOMEBODY ANSWERS."
As I took the shattered device from Captain's hand, I could have sworn that for a brief second I heard elevator music playing from the long-dead speaker.