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259 romanticallyapocalyptic.com

ENTRY ___259




◯---------------------------------------------------------------------------------◯
]| Church of Goodness
]| G-DIR EMPLOYEE USER ID # 95 38 20 52 :
]| Occupation: Religious Services for Lunar Citizens
◯---------------------------------------------------------------------------------◯


My cottage friend, La Macabre, swallowed the Questionable User whole with a mighty snap of electrical cables. Ah the passions of youth. I shuddered briefly, wishing him a painless digestion. Personally, I would have settled at a simple skewering, but the kid loves his Lunar-Tube fans and wants to give em a Good show on CCN.



Now, where was that second illegal that the Lunar Overmind spoke of? I searched with all of my sensors for them, but they were nowhere to be found.

My opulent doors suddenly bulged outwards on their own accord. I was being UnGoodly violated! I directed full power to my outside sensors to discover the culprit, but they only showed corrupt, pixelated noise.



“HALT! WHO ENTERS MY DOMAIN OF GOODNESS!” I shouted. “REVEAL THYSELF!”



Getting orally infected by infinite nothingness was not part of the Deal I made with the Lunar Overmind. From the information given, I expected this to be a simple “stomp a duplicate” mission.

“SYSTEM WIZARD EXTRAORDINAIRE AT YOUR SERVICES!”



The System Wizard bowed, suddenly emerging from a shroud of pixelation.

“YOU...”

I proclaimed.



“...WELCOME TO THE CHURCH OF GOODNESS, DIRECTOR [ _NULL ERROR_ ] !
HERE YOU MAY CONVERSE WITH YOUR PREFERENTIAL DEITY, PURCHASE FORGETFULNESS OF YOUR SINS OR EVEN BUY A NEW PERSONAL HEAVEN!”

My auto-greeting kicked in.
My "Deity-of-Choice" Avatar projection went wild because I could not get a reading on The Wizard’s beliefs.



G-damned adblock App! Like a data invisibility cloak The Wizard’s Nullification Shroud only showed me what its User wanted me to know. I processed what limited info I had:



◯---------------------------------------------------------------------------------◯
Zee/Zeer/Zeers/Zeerself
Captain/System Wizard/Governor of Antarctica/Emissary of Humanity
…indulges in tea parties
…likes Kittens and Snippies
…enjoys walks to the End of the Universe
...infinite credits.
◯---------------------------------------------------------------------------------◯

“ME!”
The Wizard pointed at zeerself, having climbed atop the Wish-purchasing platform.



I was stuck on the Infinite Credits line. I read the line over and over.
The Ultimate Consumer? The Legendary Goodly User with infinite purchasing power?!
Zee Existed?! Impossible! Improbable! The Consumer System was designed to take Credits away from Users in exchange for powerful products, fantastic feels, and exciting experiences.

“YOUR CREDIT OF GOODNESS… UM… IT SEEMS… UNUSUALLY HIGH.” I stated, twitching with excitement.



Here, in my sanctum, was the opportunity of a lifetime!

“INDEED!” Zee replied cheerfully, admiring my plush Goodly interiors.



“HOW HAVE YOU COME BY THIS MARVELOUS CREDIT SCORE?”
I inquired.



“BY BEING EXTRA GOOD IN ZIS TIMELINE, OF COURSE!”



Zee answered, non-specifically and unhelpfully.



Credits


Hugs and love to all our DELICIOUS PATRONS

Art Director:

Vitaly S Alexius

Muse & Shop programmer:

Nikkita

Good Church Avatars art by:

paintreedrawings
Sam
Skxynka
EmuCat

Like the music?:

OBTAIN THE ALBUM HERE!


[WE'RE PRINTING ZEE MUGS OURSELVES NOW!
GET ONE VIA OUR SHOP BY BOOPING THIS TEXT.]





27th March 2018

Tagged in Good Church Captain Church Avatars
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52 Comments:
 
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7 months ago #9753323        
10

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So, I’ve been re-reading Romantically Apocalyptic, for the reasons of it being kick-ass and so on. Now, when I was reading, I saw something. On' #16' (Not counting the prequel comics), the journal/data transcript below the picture of Snippy scanning things with his new-found geiger counter chronicles the thoughts/data/”brain” of an AI that is contained in some sort of food storage device. The device makes repeated mentions of a pineapple, and how at a certain point in time it is forced to convert the pineapple “into energy.”

Now, later on in the series, page 160 to be exact, there is a pineapple that is rigged by the 1% terrorists to act as a bomb. Now, in this comic, as we all know, symbolism and foreshadowing run deep. Many things are elaborate Call-Backs or Call-Forwards, and many more have yet to be resolved.

Now, the reason this is unusual, and the reason it warrants an explanation (Besides the usual “The world of RA is weird lol”), is that the Fridge (or Freezer, or whatever, lets just assume it was a Fridge for simplicity) specifically says the pineapple is “converted to energy.” Not, “converted to biofuel”, or “Converted to fuel”, “Converted to energy.” Now, you can chalk this up to simply a vocab choice, but that's what BORING people do. And WE, my friends, are citizens of CAPTANIA! We are ANYTHING but boring!

So let’s take this simple phrasing to it’s (Il)logical conclusion. Let’s assume the pineapple was converted to energy. As in, straight up, Einsteinian Physics E=MC2 converted. Mass being broken down into its core component, energy.

A little help from google and the peoples at 1728.org shows us the yield of an object with the mass of a pineapple (the average of which is around 905 grams), comes out to 81,337 TeraJoules. That's quite a lot of power.

Now see, we have energy outputs on the TerraJoule levels in the real world. Like, you know, whenever we DROP A FUCKING NUKE

And the USA’s most powerful nuke EVER tested power output was only a paltry 63,000 TJ, barely 2/3rds of the power this pineapple delivered upon ascending to the plane of Elemental Explosiveness. Hiroshima’s Fat Man barely even MADE IT onto the TeraJoule Scale, only getting around 1.2 (sometimes more, sometimes less. Reports are a bit sketchy, since, you know, noone wanted to stick around to watch the blast.)
And so, my friends, I reveal to you all the actual cause of the apocalypse which allowed the grand domain of Captain to begin.

No AI made people's heads explodes, no coffee was spilled

A pineapple was turned into a nuke, causing everyone around the world to freak out and launch their respective nukes.


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6 months ago #9766283        
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This Web comic was possibly one of the best I've read. All the characters have gone through amazing story lines, the plot always leaves you guessing, and this is well explained and detailed. I liked cap a little better when he was just thought to be insane, but you guys know what you're doing. Also, if you ever try to discontinue this Web comic I will sue you for 40,000 credits.



7 months ago #9753090        
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OHMAGURSH
AN UPLOAD ON MY BRITHDAYYY
dream come true :3



8 months ago #9747663        
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How's the audiobook coming along? I'm aquiver with anticipation. :D



7 months ago #9758629        
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Oh My God.
At highschool, we used to have a skeleton in the biology room, and everyone called him Steve.
Except, our Steve wore a lab coat and normal glasses.



8 months ago #9750073        
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ah! thank you for the new page ^^



8 months ago #9747594        
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So I guess Captain's "Deity-of-Choice" is a teapot? lol amazing

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8 months ago #9747564        
1

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Es ist großartig

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6 months ago #9770219        
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I just haev ze wonderings as to when ze next episode is emerging from ze depths of alexius' brain hole?

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TBD

27 M
6 months ago #9764263        
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why is this not in the archives? someone need to fix that.



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