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ENTRY ___242

]| Butler
]| G-DIR EMPLOYEE USER ID # 95 11 26 :
]| Occupation: Lunar guide / Director caretaker

"Here we are. The Directorate Tower. The safest place of all! You'll surely find friendship within!"

I cheerfully told Dr. Gromov, who looked about as miserable as he possibly could.

"Looks just as abandoned as my cottage."

Dr. Gromovs are hard to take care of. I just hope that this one won't meet with a terrible fate. I remember my very first Gromov. He was so very excited to have landed on the Moon!

Was what happened to him all my fault?

Was it the fault of the damaged, corrupted system apps that the Gromovs interacted with? Are Gromovs just too delicate to exist on the Moon for a very long time? As we approached the Tower, I reflected on the Gromovs I’d lost. I wouldn’t let the same errors happen twice...

When the first Gromov came to me, I told him everything. He still haunts me to this day... His ghost will not leave me, always whispering demands, always watching.

I didn’t tell the second Dr. Gromov anything. He decided to be a gardener. For a while, he peacefully tended the garden in his grandfather’s cottage. I came to like him. Eventually, we became friends. One day he planted a flower in a smart-flower pot that was advertised to grow “THE MOST AMAZING OF FLOWERS”. We were both excited to see that amazing flower!

What the flower pot grew was not a flower. At first we assumed it to be an odd defect of some sort. Before we realized the danger, that eldritch thing devoured him. It was so swift and horrible that I didn’t even believe what I’d seen for a moment. I ordered the caretaker drones to seal the “flower” off after it became clear that even fire couldn’t kill it.

The third Gromov decided to take a bubble bath one day. He poured the stuff into the water, and it permanently cleaned him away. I could not find even one atom of him left. I don’t order that brand of bubble bath anymore.

It was then that I realized taking care of Gromovs might be harder than I’d expected.

The fourth Gromov was frozen to death by his air conditioner.

The fifth Gromov was trapped by a magnet that attracted him and nothing else.

What happened to the sixth Gromov, I wondered. They were all starting to blur together… Ah, yes! He’d accidentally turned his cottage into a linear singularity with himself inside. None of the apps have fessed up to it yet.

The Seventh Gromov found an orange raincoat with a shiny zipper. He was quite excited about it... I should have suspected something. By this point, I had become a little paranoid. A few weeks before that coat showed up, a red clover sprouted among a patch of white clover in the field. I had the field burned, tilled and reseeded. Strange things were never good for Gromovs. Gromov Seven didn’t understand, but then again Gromovs never did. Against my judgement I didn’t burn that coat. Dr. Gromov #7 went out in the rain and when he had come back, he unzipped himself. I could not zip him back together.

The Eighth Gromov dozed off on the couch and turned into a sack of potatoes. I had the couch decommissioned. Literal-minded furniture cannot be trusted.

The Ninth Gromov fainted and hit his head after learning the origin of the potatoes he’d just cooked for dinner.

The Tenth Gromov had his memory wiped clean by a multi-surface cleaner, Eleventh Gromov got turned into a spheroid of pure muscle, Twelve got put into an eternal trance, and Thirteen drank hyperconcentrated coffee and went mad. There was a long period there where I feared I might have been going mad myself.

Dr. Gromov 14, understandably fearing death, purchased a safety app from Moon Systems Inc. The safety app compressed Gromov 14 into a dimensionless point. I asked the App whether it can bring him back, and whether Gromov 14 now exists at all. The app stipulated that linear existence is irrelevant; safety is the only priority. I still argue with it about that sometimes, but it is a very stubborn app.

Dr Gromov #15 got sent to the distant future by a temporal watch. I hope he’s happy there.

Dr Gromov #16 slipped in the shower. No apps or Moon Systems products were involved. It’s really not that shocking. The bathroom is statistically the most dangerous part of the house, after all.

Gromovs 17, 18, 19 arrived almost at the same time. The original Gromov on planet Earth must have faced death thrice that day! They lived in the cottage, playing cards and discussing the future and having a grand old time. One day a lightbulb went out.

At least now I know part of the answer to the question, “how many Gromovs does it take to change a lightbulb?” My answer? More than three. It took weeks to clean up the dust from their vaporized bodies.

It was then that I began to wonder if the damaged and half-mad System was killing them on purpose. Perhaps it was fed up with humans. Perhaps it was angry at Gromov in particular. Maybe it had become so bored that after all these years it had developed a sick sense of humor.

Gromov Twenty accidentally created the World’s Sharpest Knife. It was his last achievement. Gromov 21 perished in an energy drink accident. I have no memory of Gromov 22, other than vague recollections that I was planning to meet him. I don’t think it’s worth speculating over what happened there.

I remember the last few better. 23 slowly drowned in the world’s softest bed… 24 died from the complications of a selfie accident… 25 didn’t heed a warning about unsanctioned exploring...

And now Gromov 26 had gone and gotten himself locked in the fridge while I awaited the arrival of Gromov 27! I had so hoped they would be friends! Why did 26 hide in the fridge? Perhaps he saw something spooky? Did he also disable the cottage caretakers? I just don’t understand how this keeps happening! I’ve always done my very best!

I stared at my last Gromov. Number 27. Twenty-seven Gromovs! Surely it couldn’t have been that many already…

I struggled to decide whether I should tell him that he’s the last Gromov possible. The one on Earth hadn’t merely been endangered that day when he turned off Annie. He’d been killed at last, after twenty-six close calls.

I resolved not to tell Gromov 27. That might offend or terrify him in some unexpected way. I can’t handle too many more unexpected things...


Hugs and love to all our DELICIOUS PATRONS

Art Director:

Vitaly S Alexius

Studio Cat:


Assisting Artist:

[Robot base sketches]: Ivan Yakushev

Journal editor:

Kaitlin Gossett

8th July 2016

Tagged in Butler Engie
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2 years ago #9502634        



I knew selfies would one day lead to death...but some of these deaths sound like they came straight from Portal O.e

2 years ago #9503969        



9th Gromov is my spirit animal

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2 years ago #9507655        



Tag yourself: which gromov are you

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20 M
2 years ago #9508653        



once again, its a beautiful comic, and i love the visuals in there...
the robot-butler is beautiful and elegant, while gromov/engie is cool and nicely drawn as always, and i love that the HUGE
G-directorate building is visible in the distant background....

the waterfalls were also nicely drawn as well, they are very realistic.

now, about the robot-butler;s journal: that was AMAZING!
great narrative, and awesome action/a great story was told in there.
the tale of 26 dead gromovs, or at least 24 dead gromovs.

also: the fact that THIS, current gromov' #27' is the last gromov ever, is shocking.
i guess shutting down ANNIE was never a good idea, since it destroyed all of his backups/his ''ressurection system''...

also, at @alexius, i have those questions:

what happened to gromov' #22'?
is he the dead gromov in the frozen lake, shown in page 236??? (ice to see you, dr. gromov... good one!)

also, since gromov' #15' got sent in the distant future by using a temporal watch, does that mean that, one of the gromov's will survive into the next distant eras, in order to create the stories/the universe of the ''maiden amber of snippy''??

-as shown in the future flashbacks of the comic pages' #110', and' #111', in the distant future, where amber is attacked by the evil mods.
(mods were deciples of the admins, who in turn, were also deciples of the architect, AKA the gromov of the (distant) future.)

anyhow, this seems VERY interesting, and i would love to see what happens next.

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2 years ago #9507653        




2 years ago #9503474        



Double Rainbow!!


16 O
2 years ago #9502605        



So, I expect we'll be coming across the gromov that had the watch sometime.

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2 years ago #9502394        



@alexius How long did it take to come up with the demises of all those Gromovs?

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4 months ago #9701806        



Wait--so Engie died the day he turned off Annet? That means that Captain, Snippy and Pilot were hauling around a dead body for several days. Engie was dead and Engie 27 was stuck in the blue-screen "mug" error. Creepy.

2 years ago #9519121        



is it just me or is the latest update deleted?

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