: PINEAPPLE SURPRISE STORAGE CAN :
G-DIR NUMBER 43-25-27
The questionable User tried to open me up, but he could not.
He tried everything ranging from a screwdriver, to a golf club, to throwing me off the top floor of a hotel.
He even tried grinding my top against the concrete pavement for nearly an hour.
His attempts would be for naught, for my surface was reinforced with nano-graphite fibers.
It was a rather unfortunate situation. All he had to do was issue the "SURPRISE ME!" command to me and my surprising interior would be revealed to him.
Swearing at me and calling me names was also not the appropriate command.
He was unable to read my usage label, as the label was made from version 24.4 G-Dir plastics and had mostly degraded away and I was unable to tell him what to do, because his status was [ highly questionable ] and also I didn't want to ruin the Surprise.
I tried to pass hints to the questionable User's pet rock, but the rock was extremely uncooperative and ignored them.
Likely, the questionable User forgot to provide the pet rock with necessary "friendship/love" as per instructions.
This is exactly what happens to Users who fail to follow instructions.
Oh look, he's got a gun now. This will surely end poorly, depending on the ricochet angle.
Personally, I am quite surprised that this User still has all of his organs and appendages intact.
Hugs and love to all our DELICIOUS PATRONS
Art Director: Vitaly S Alexius
Christin Twomey, Kimone Berwise & Chico
22nd September 2015
Tagged in Pet Rock Pilot Mug Snippy Pineapple Can