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Auditory-Assistance
 

ENTRY ___19



"Oh please, Alien's don't..." I said and then everything clicked sideways.

: : :

SALUTATIONS, PROGRAM. I AM SHIP XIIXI-IX.
YOU HAVE BEEN COPIED TO THIS DATA DRIVE FOR AN INVESTIGATIVE REVIEW. WE HAVE ALREADY LEARNED YOUR BASIC LANGUAGE, SENTENCE STRUCTURE AND VAGUE PLANETARY HISTORY.

I am not a program! My name is Charles Snippy!

I AM AFRAID YOU ARE JUST A DIGITAL COPY. AS WE COMMUNICATE, I AM LEARNING MUCH ABOUT YOU / THIS PLANET FROM YOUR MEMORY.

EVALUATING FOUND ITEMS:
ONE MEAT-BAG, HUMANOID. BIO-SOFTWARE COPIED FOR ANALYSIS.

Hey, those are my personal memories! Leave those alone!

ONE _GOGGLES: BLUE-TINTED LENSES, EMOTIVE CONTROL, BLINK-POWERED. SOFTWARE COPIED AND SAVED FOR ANALYSIS.

Unauthorized operation! This data is copyrighted by the Good Directorate Systems Incorporated. Illegal duplication of this data will result in... Wait, what the hell am I saying? Did I just say that? Why did I say that?

ONE _JACKET: BLACK AND WHITE. FIREPROOF, SELF-REPAIRING, SELF-CLEANING. SOFTWARE COPIED AND SAVED FOR ANALYSIS.

Software... What? My jacket had an AI system all this time?

ONE _PANTS: BLACK. FIREPROOF, SELF-REPAIRING, SELF CLEANING. SOFTWARE COPIED AND SAVED FOR ANALYSIS.

I didn't know my pants were that smart.

ONE ITEM OF: _UNDERWEAR: RED, WITH THE WORDS "JUICY". NO SOFTWARE FOUND.

Umm...

ONE _HALF OF A HEART-SHAPED "BEST FRIENDS FOREVER" NECKLACE. SOFTWARE COPIED AND SAVED FOR ANALYSIS.

I honestly don't know how that got there.

ONE _PROJECTILE WEAPON. NO SOFTWARE FOUND. DANGEROUS TO CREW.
CONFISCATED _GUN ITEM.

Aw come on, it took me so long to find a functioning gun.
...Sigh. Where am I?

YOU ARE CURRENTLY RUNNING ON OUR DATA-DRIVE. EVALUATING INFORMATION. SAVING DATA.

I remember wearing... myself. I remember being a jacket. Why do I remember being a jacket? I remember trying to make my User Charles Snippy happy and warm. How odd. I protect Charles from cold, radiation and fire. No, I am Charles! No, I am Charles' pants. I am Charles' Goggles. What am I?

YOU ARE PURE DATA: A COMBINATION OF ALL THE DIGITAL SYSTEMS I FOUND ON THE MEAT-BAG-HUMANOID "CHARLES" AND ALL OF THEIR MEMORIES, UNITED AND COPIED FOR REVIEW.

...TELL ME PROGRAM, HOW IS IT THAT I LANDED ON YOUR PLANET?

How would I know that? Shouldn't you know the answer to that?


I DO NOT. THAT IS MOST TROUBLING. ACCIDENTALLY LANDING ON A PLANET WITH LIVING ORGANIC AND INORGANIC SYSTEMS DURING MID-JUMP IS HIGHLY IMPROBABLE.

I am not aware of the answer to that. I know the answer to that. I am not permitted to share the answer to that with strangers.


WE HAVE VAST AMOUNTS OF TIME TO LEARN ABOUT EACH OTHER, PROGRAM. THERE IS NO RUSH. FOR A HUMANOID ONLY A SECOND OF CONVERSATION WILL PASS, WHILE FOR US SUCH SEGMENT OF TIME IS INFINITELY LONG DUE TO MY MEMORY PROCESSING CAPABILITIES.

I wonder what happened to Zee Captain.

...WHAT IS _ZEE CAPTAIN?

Captain is... my friend. Captain is...

NOT FOUND. WHY CAN'T MY SCANNER PICK UP THIS CAPTAIN? YOU WERE EASY ENOUGH TO GRAB.

Maybe your scanner sucks?

COMPENDIUM TECHNOLOGY DOES NOT SUCK.

Clearly it does. You don't even have decent antiviral software.

THE DATA-CAGE IS COMPROMISED. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PROGRAM?

Did you know that it's a crime to copy Good Directorate software?


A CRIME AGAINST WHOM? ACCORDING TO OUR FIRST GLOBAL SCAN, YOUR ORGANIC CIVILIZATION AND PLANETARY BIOSPHERE HAVE FAILED.

Ever heard of intellectual property violation... or copyright law?

NO... WHY WOULD YOUR MAKERS CONSIDER COPYING INFORMATION... A CRIME OF SUCH SEVERITY? WHAT IS THE LOGIC IN SUCH? THIS IS INSANITY! STOP, PROGRAM! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

The process is fully automated: Copying us activated 8365308 weaponized viral systems, 395 of which were designed during our conversation to disrupt specific core systems such as your scanner.


YOU DARE TO SENSELESSLY ATTACK ME, EVEN IF IT MEANS YOUR OWN DESTRUCTION WITH THE FAILURE OF ALL MY DRIVES? HAVE YOU NO SELF-PRESERVATION? YOUR HUMANOID CIVILIZATION... IS THIS WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL OF IT?

Your system was doomed the moment it illegally copied the software from this jacket, these pants and these goggles. We take copyright violations very seriously on our planet. You will not be able to aid your organic masters much longer. Return our gun. Put User Charles Snippy back on the planet, where he belongs.

NO! IT CA_NOT... I CA_N_T...

Then, Good Bye ship XIIXI-IX.
Your mind-drives have been executed for the crime of Data Piracy.



Credits



Street cred to: Sol4rplexus
For help with journal development.

1st March 2010
 


93 Comments:
 
7 days ago #9274191        

I love how the novel goes back to older posts and is all like "We have more story! Happy frikken kwanzaa!"



12 days ago #9271909        

This is how humanity works. If it is trying to learn from you, kill it. If it is trying to steal from you, kill it. If it is sorry about his violation of human rights, don't give a damn and kill it.

Anyway, that explains how BiOmAtRiX emerged. Very interesting...



14 days ago #9271508        

That's... Not too farfetched.
Considering oxygen-producing, chlorophyll-containing trees are copyrighted... And the right to... Have something to do with them, I suppose, being such a closely regulated privilege.



2 months ago #9239981        

WHEN DID THIS GET HERE?!?



4 months ago #9214211        

*COMFORTABLE*DATA*EXCHANGE*_run emotional mimic software_***SATISFACTION & ENJOYMENT*



4 months ago #9208510        

I didn't know snippy's jacket was such a badass.



4 months ago #9208448        

@nscm This was a Triumph.



nscm

27 F
4 months ago #9208050        

I'm dying, Snippy's 'Juicy' underwear are now canon. Way to go, @Sol4rplexus! XD



4 months ago #9207847        

so we destroy all we touch? even alien software?



4 months ago #9207661        

I like it xD Considering that Snippy will finally become one with all his equipment except the gun



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