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ENTRY ___178




I know not of the destination of our flying taxi,

but it is the journey that matters the mostest as my Captain says.

HOW MANY FLAVOuRS OF ADVENTURE DO YOU THINK WILL WE FIND?
I hope it is lots!

Perhaps we will find the sacred Ham tree, guarded by an angry old man Overprotectiv-ness! "Get off my ham!" He will shout. But I shall not. I will claim his hams for Captania and make everyone a twenty-six course meal!

I drew my ham-jacking plan with watercolors that I've borrowed from Snippey:

Mm-hmmm! Toasty!


...Or perhaps we will go to Snail-land? According to legends of my brothers and sisters the Snail land is real. That is a place where all the neutral boys and girls go to find their dreams.

Wait just a momentary...

Did I have brothers or were they but cousins? I cannot recall. Ever since the Pine-apple has taken my face away from me I cannot recall if I had such extensive family of pale comrades.

Rows of endless pale faces. Bottles of organs, taken from them who could not pay their bills on time.
Clinky-clanky place.
Are these but seasonal imaginations caused by high-altitude localization?

I should not concern myself with such wonderlings of the mind, for I have a most excellent task to full-fill. A task of quick pedallage that has been trusted onto me by my Captain.

I look at fluffy clouds and count the number of curves. Clouds have many bodacious curves.

A new gobble-postage floats past, interrupting my count:
++ATTN. DEX UNIT 966912. CONGRATULATIONS ON COMPLETING YOUR LATEST MISSION. YOUR ACCOUNT HAS BEEN CREDITED FOR TERMINATION OF THE UNSCANNABLE.
UNFORTUNATELY, WE DO NOT HAVE NEW MISSIONS FOR YOU AT THIS TIME. AS YOUR CREDIT BALANCE IS CURRENTLY DECREASING, WE SUGGEST FINDING FREELANCE CAREER OPPORTUNITIES ON G-WORKBOARD.COM++

Cursicles! What if they refund my Piano?
How will I musicate to my captain then? Haves I been laid off? I blame Snippy for this. Ever since he's taken my sword, I've had a bad feeling bout receiving such notifications.
Perhaps I can now retire and Captain and I can finally move to a small house by the sea.
No.
I will have to find myself a new full-time job to pay the bills.

I flicked my eye-flops across the Gorb-boards. No. No. No.
These will not do. Captain would not approve of this one.
This one doesn't pay nearly enough.
This one is boring.
This one is scary.

Here we go:

+-TRAFFIC-SIGN PAINTER-+

Hmmm. That sounds like a career of interest for me!
I could travel across the lands and offer my services to all the big and little towns down below.
My Captain says it's important to market oneself properly when starting a business. I immediately set my mind-cherry on designing myself a proper web-pamphlette, the way captain taught me:

DEAREST CONSUMER!
IS YOUR TOWN BORING AND DREARY, SAD AND WEARY?
WELL FEAR NOTS!
FOR AN AFFORDABLE RATE OF TWELVE EASY PAYMENTS I WILL REPAINT YOUR STREET-SIGNS INTO RAINBOWY SUPRISES INCREASING YOUR TOURIST RATIOS BY 23%!

ARE YOUR STREET TOO EASY TO READ? I SPECIALIZE IN RENAMING STREETS AS WELL! I HAVE PERSONALLY NAMED 304840 STREETS IN THE NATION OF CAPTANIA!
AND THAT BOYS AND GIRLS IS A LOT OF EXPERIENCE UNDER MY SHOE!
I CAN NAME YOUR SKINNY STREETS AND FAT STREETS, YOUR TALL STREETS AND YOUR SIDEWAYS AVENUES, YOUR GRAVEL ROADS AND SUPER-HIGHWAYS!

WITH UNIQUE AND NON-JADED NAMES YOUR STREETS CAN NOW SOUND FANCY AND OLD-SCHOOL AND BE WRITTEN IN SKRIPT USED BY ANCIENT VIKINGS AND MAKE YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD 38% MORE HISTORIC!
THAT'S A BOOST OF 19% TO YOUR REAL-ESTATE VALUES!

I WILL COLORIZE YOUR DOGS AND FIRE HYDRANTS, YOUR CATS AND YOUR CANTALOUPES, YOUR AGED GRUMPS AND LOUD CHILDREN!

CALL NOW! THIS ONE-TIME OFFER ENDS IN 837 HOURS:
1-888-77394-39283-29482-2940-28402-112
ASK FOR PILOT!








Credits



This month's RA's SUPER-PATRONS are:
Candied Sardines
Junsu Park
D. Parent


Art Director:

Vitaly S Alexius

Illustrator:

Iidanmrak

3D rendering by:

Artem Bagmut

Studio assistance by:

Tina Ze Intern & Chico

Russian translation by:

Александр Чернов

Journal art by:

Zenith-Zero

14th March 2014
 


76 Comments:
 
4 months ago #9221064        

@Zaci go read the last entry (Jenkins Klauss story) and maybe you'll agree with me ont he following:

I believe this is how the Eureka mega-city/continent worked.

- Want to be happy? Want to connect with others in new, awesome ways? Join the ANNET.
- Welcome to the ANNET! All your thoughts have been copyrighted, along with the rest of reality.
- Don't you worry it's all for your Good! In fact, you won't worry again, since our new G-Directorate Worryiness app will prevent such emotions. 5000 credits have been discounted.
- Running out of credits? Work for us, and invest in our products! Lend us your body, so that you can make moar credits in your sleep!
- Your basic needs, you say? Oh, we've got drones to care of you, and there's always a DEX to take care of the boring stuff. Look at all this time to purchase! Your mind was never free-er to be happy! That's the Good smile we like to see! (100 credicts deducted per use of facial muscles).

- Warning: you've ran out of credits. It's fine. ANNET is so full of oportunities, it's hard not to waste all at once, right?

- Surprised in inappropiate use of ANNET's services? Someone sued you for whatever-randomreasonyouhavenoideaof? Made unauthorized use of your voice to communicate in public/private space? You don't have credits for a lawyer. Your account will be terminated. Please wait while we erase your memories and send our drone to retrieve your fleshy remnants.

*Factory time*

Iniciating "Janitor" program...
- Good-day, DEX 12603. You have been asigned *insert sector here* to perform your tasks for the following 800 cycles.

Soomething like that. And that, boys and girls, is how you turn in to a SE- er I mean DEX "slave" (a thing that used to be human but is now an useful android so nobody really cares) at the service of the Network.



4 months ago #9219087        

*Calls given phone number* Sorry, but this number does not exist. Hang up, and try again. (Or something like that... :3)



4 months ago #9218299        

*GUNM*



Zaci

24 M
4 months ago #9205797        

Wait a sec... rows of pale faces and organs? Is Pilot's mind an AI?? Or is he a human mind inside a computer, like Glados? Having a real human head/brain would have high likely killed him in the pineapple accident I presume.



Madbat

47 M
5 months ago #9191175        

Oh I need pilot to repaint my neighborhood! Something festive.

The panels look awesome, especially the last one.



minxan

16 M
6 months ago #9168233        

so pilot used to be a debt collector/hired hitman robot before losing 67 % of his memory. good thing he lost it then but he could've kept his sanity.



7 months ago #9140001        

@Bell4U wow, awesome! Canadians FTW!



Bell4U

22 F
7 months ago #9139040        

@sergeant So "Pi" is referring to his job? Well, he was working in an insurance agency but "private eye" fits quite well.

Alexius comes from Russia, so by nationality he is Russian. But he has lived in Canada since he was small.



sergeant

20 M
7 months ago #9138363        

@Bell4U , actually, christophorus is a greek name, and the ''Pi'' in his name stands for ''Private eye'' or often called ''P.I'' (often called as private investigator.)

because he's a detective. or he used to be. now he's pilot, 200% more awesome and fun.

also, his last name, hatcherson, indicates a norwegian heritage.
so maybe he's greek-norwegian? dunno.

also alexius is canadian?! i thought he was russian, wow.



Bell4U

22 F
7 months ago #9137129        

@didihyper He is. Although he comes from Russia.



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