threw a piece of something at me. It looked remotely like a loaf of garlic bread, so I took out my Geiger counter and waved it over the loaf. The loaf was non-radioactive. I slid off my mask. It smelled fresh. I bit into it. It was warm.
Non-radioactive, non moldy, fresh, warm garlic bread!
"What? How? Where did you get this!" I stuttered, but only after devouring the bread.
"CANDY MOUNTAIN!" Captain waved a hand towards the decaying ruins of the mall district.
"Is there more food where this came from?" I inquired, hopeful.
"ALAS, NAY. PILOT AND I HAD QUITE A MAGNIFIQUE FEAST WHICH BROUGHT DOWN THE RESTAURANT."
"How does one bring down a restaurant?" I inquired angrily.
"PILING TOO MANY THINGS ONTO ONE PLATE, OF COURSE! ANYHOW, THE WHOLE THING COLLAPSED INTO A GAPING CHASM. THE WORMS HAVE IT NOW."
I sighed. This sounded like an actual true story for once.
Chasms are always taking away potential food sources.
. . .
I was tired of walking on the endless highway and arguing with Captain over 1024 ways of getting rich was a real grind on my nerves. Captain merrily shoved a moldy skeleton out of an old, rusted Toyota corolla. It seemed the safest option for a nap, so I settled next to Captain on the seat.
"AND WE ARE OFF TO ANOTHER EXCITING ADVENTURE!" Zee wiggled the car's wheel back and forth.
"No, we are not!" I tiredly outputted, pointing to the broken highway in front of us, littered with a pile of burned cars. "there's no road!"
"WHERE WE ARE GOING WE WON'T NEED ROADS!" Captain laughed.
"Suuuuure, sure. Wake me when we get there." I leaned as far back on the seat as the broken old seat control would allow for.
. . .
Captain was poking me in the shoulder.
"Bhuh?" I slurred from my peaceful slumber.
"WE ARE HERE!" Zee proclaimed.
I opened my eyes to discover something odd.
The car still looked the same - as rusted and as dirty as before, but outside looked different. We were somehow in the middle of a city.
"What? Did you make pilot drag the car here while I slept?" I muttered, looking around suspiciously.
"NO, SILLY! WE TOOK THE RAINBOW!" Captain waved zeer arm into the sky, as if traveling on rainbows was the most obvious of transit options.
I stared suspiciously at Captain's hand-watch. I slept for less than 7 minutes according to it.
Yea... right. Captain must have just wound the watch backward to mess with me.
I leaned towards the window, only to discover that the car was now parked on top of a skyscraper.