Who is Zee Captain? Let me tell you all about Captain.
...Where to begin?
Well, this morning Captain discovered a pair of old Binoculars and dedicated the entire morning to the "FINE ART OF OGLING LADIES". Finding non-expired, non-radioactive food? No! Ogling ladies for hours on end is definitely far more important an objective than survival!
"SOON, MY PRECIOUS!"
"SOON... WE WILL BE TOGETHER!"
"I’VE BEEN SEARCHING THE RUINS FOR SUPPLIES
ALL DAY AND… WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
As the answer to my inquiry, Captain handed me a binder.
I opened it to discover...
[GENTLEMAN'S RULES OF OGLING:
STEP I: WEAR YOUR FANCIEST WHITE TOP AND PANTALOONS
STEP II. ACQUIRE BINOCULAR DEVICE
STEP III. LOCATE OBJECT OF OGLING
STEP IV. OGLE
STEP V. MAKE APPROPRIATE GENTLEMANLY COMMENTARY TO YOUR LADY OF DESIRE
STEP VI. DISREGARD INSOLENT DISTRACTIONS ]
Where Captain keeps the antique typewriter that types only in fancy, squiggly capitals, I may never find out.